Do Cats Hold Grudges? Separating Myth from Fact

Common anecdote says that cats are prone to holding grudges. Whether you cross them intentionally or purely by accident, they may never let it go. This belief is especially prevalent when comparing companion species: dogs forget and forgive. Cats do not and will not.

But is any of this actually true? Can your cat hold a grudge against you, and if so, for how long?

In order to have the best relationship with your feline friend, it’s important to separate fact from fiction. While we can’t fully get inside the mind of a cat, animal behavior studies and other research have taught us a thing or two over the years. So, before you start worrying too much about your cat holding on to an everlasting grudge, read on for some insights that’ll help put you at ease and become more attuned to what’s really going on in your pet’s brain.

Do cats actually hold grudges?

Despite what you’ve been told, cats do not hold grudges — at least not in the sense that we humans tend to. They may remember bad experiences, but they don’t typically act out with vengeance as a result or harbor malicious intent. Instead, a cat acting negatively or in a way that distances the person who “wronged” them is likely to be a simple reaction to a negative event.

Confused? Consider how grudges work in the human mindset. A person harboring a grudge typically does so because they’ve had a negative experience and wishes to punish the perpetrator as a result; i.e. “You wouldn’t listen to me the other day, so now I’m not talking to you!” In cat world, it’s far more simple. If your pet is hiding after you stepped accidentally on their tail, they just don’t want to get hurt — they aren’t avoiding you to hurt you.

In other words, if your cat seems to have a grudge, it’s a reaction in self-preservation. And as such, it’s time to think about what may have happened to them and if you or another person (or another pet) had anything to do with it. That way, you can work to smooth things over and reestablish mutual trust.

What the science says

Humans can’t talk to cats or know exactly what they’re thinking, so you may be wondering how it’s even possible to know whether or not felines hold grudges. There just hasn’t been too much research on the particular subject of cat grudges. However, there have been numerous studies on feline behavior and reactions to different kinds of stimuli — we humans have been trying to get inside the minds of cats for a long time now.

A three-part study by Ontario Veterinary College researchers examined cat reactions to being restrained by different people. Instead of the cats developing aversions to the people who restrained them the most, the felines’ reactions were found to be dependent on their own personalities. The less-friendly cats remained less friendly to all humans involved, while the friendlier cats showed no change in preference to anyone. In other words, no cat grudge evidence was found.

A group of researchers in Japan meanwhile found evidence that cats have episodic memory, which means they are likely to remember certain experiences better than others (similar to humans). An overwhelmingly negative experience may therefore linger in a cat’s mind, but the good news is that deeply positive ones can too.

Can cats forgive?

Since cats don’t perceive emotions as complexly as humans do, there’s not really anything to forgive. If they’ve had a negative experience with a particular person or animal, they will either regain trust and get over it, or they’ll simply try to stay away or act out to prevent further damage.

The good news is that cats can indeed move past negative incidents. Even though cats may not necessarily forget the experience, they’ll come around once they feel safe in their environment.

8 signs your cat is holding a grudge

Even though we know cats don’t really hold grudges like humans do, it can still be unsettling when something seems to be bothering your furry friend. If your pet is irritated or anxious as a result of your behavior or someone else’s here are some key signs that they may be holding what we see as a ‘grudge.’

1. Flicking or swishing tail (tail may also be fluffed out)
2. Not interested in play or cuddling
3. Hissing or emitting a low growling noise
4. Ears flattened
5. Staring (especially with ears back)
6. Crouching and looking nervous
7. Not using the litter box
8. Hiding or displaying skittishness

What to do when your cat shows grudge behavior

Science saying cats can’t hold grudges is one thing, but it’s still difficult (and often heartbreaking) when it feels like your cat is mad at you. In this situation, the last thing you want to do is handle your cat’s grudge-like behavior improperly and worsen your relationship. While cats are often seen as overly independent creatures, they are social animals that thrive on strong bonds with humans and even other pets. Positive reinforcement and a safe, stable environment are crucial for maintaining these bonds.

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to allow your pet to calm down and get things back to the way they were.

Give your kitty space

The first thing you should do when your pet is upset is give them some time alone. This doesn’t mean shut them in a room or force them into isolation, mind you. Instead, don’t try to give them attention and, if possible, remove yourself from the area. Just like you, your pet may just not want to be around anyone when they’re upset and may act out uncharacteristically if they are.

Don’t leave your cat alone if they’re injured

If your cat has been physically harmed (for example, you accidentally dropped something on them or may have done more than just a light step on the tail), don’t leave them on their own — their health is more important than giving them space. Seek veterinary care right away if they are hurt, regardless of their current demeanor.

To lessen the worry about your cat needing emergency veterinary care, consider pet insurance.

Try feline calming tools

Your stressed pet may feel a bit suffocated if you approach them too quickly or with more affection than they’re ready for. So, why not let some handy tools help ease the tension for you? There are numerous products today that may be able to help, including pheromones, calming supplements, and even just soothing noises targeted toward cats.

You’ll also see a lot of CBD pet products marketed toward reducing cat stress. Take caution before you try these and always consult with your veterinarian first — more research is needed on the effects of CBD on pets.

Provide treats

A quick way to win back favor with most pets is to give them a treat. You don’t want to do this every time your cat seems upset of course — doing so can both reinforce bad behavior as well as contribute to your pet being an unhealthy weight. Nevertheless, offering a treat once your cat has had some solo time to relax and calmed down a bit can be a welcome way of saying “Hey, no hard feelings between us.”

Offer affection

When your pet seems calmer, try showing them small signs of affection. Cats have their own ways of showing love and affection, and reciprocating these is a good place to start. Offer some slow blinks in their direction, and if they’re open to physical touch, some gentle pats.

Be patient

Whatever you do, don’t rush things. Your pet needs to feel that they are safe and not being forced into anything. It may take hours or even days to regain their complete trust.

In the meantime, you can learn more about your cat’s mindset with these cat behavior changes to watch for.